Why Today Never Feels Like Enough

How to Stop Yearning and Start Living

Nov 11, 2024

💡 In Today’s Edition:

🌱 Roots Reflection: Why We Long for What Isn’t Here
🧘🏽‍♂️ Awareness Action: Recognizing “Grasping” and Its Impact on Contentment
💛 Kindness Opportunity: Practicing Gratitude to Embrace the Present

🌱 Roots Reflection: Why We Long for What Isn’t Here

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who, like me, is in midlife—raising kids, managing a career, and balancing all the demands that come with it. We got to talking about our 20s, a time that, looking back, felt simpler, with fewer responsibilities and more freedom. My friend wondered if maybe we’d missed something back then—if we’d truly appreciated those moments of spontaneity and freedom as fully as we could have.

Ironically, even in my 20s, I was focused on the future, always thinking about the next step. Caught up in school and planning my career, I rarely took in what was right in front of me. Now, here I was, years later, wondering if I had truly experienced those years.

Of course, it’s natural to look back or plan ahead—it’s part of who we are and how we grow. But as Dr. David Hawkins, a psychiatrist and spiritual teacher, explains in Letting Go, this tendency can become a trap. Hawkins calls it “grasping”—a longing for what isn’t here, whether it’s an idealized past or a picture-perfect future. Grasping pulls us out of the present, leaving us with the feeling that today isn’t quite enough. At its heart, it leaves us with a quiet sense of dissatisfaction with the here and now.

I know this pull all too well. Throughout my years in medical training, there was always a feeling that real fulfillment was just over the next hill. When I matched into a top residency program, I felt a moment of pride and relief—but almost immediately, I started wondering what subspeciality I would go into.

When I finally made it to a top fellowship in my chosen subspeciality, I immediately knew I was deeply unhappy and had made a mistake. In my drive to reach the next stage, I hadn’t stopped to ask myself what felt right in the present. What I thought I wanted all along was just a distraction from embracing the present moment.

Reflection: Are the “what-ifs” of the past and future keeping you from the “what is” of the present?

Awareness Action: Recognizing “Grasping” and Its Impact on Contentment

Grasping, as Dr. Hawkins describes it, isn’t just about wanting what we don’t have—it’s an attachment to how we think things should be. This attachment can create a cycle of “almost there,” where satisfaction is always just out of reach. True peace doesn’t come when life finally aligns with these imagined ideals; it happens when we stop holding the present up to those standards and start simply being with what’s here. And building awareness around when and how this grasping shows up is the first step.

Action: Building awareness of our mental habits around grasping can be a powerful first step. Set aside a few moments to check in to see where your mind has wandered that day.

Bring to Mind: Ask yourself, “Where did my mind go most today? Was it caught up in memories or looking toward the future?” Notice if any recurring thoughts or scenarios captured your attention.
Notice the Feeling: As you observe these patterns, notice any feelings of disappointment, longing, or frustration. Allow yourself to feel these emotions as they arise, naming them without judgment. It might feel uncomfortable to sit with them, but simply recognizing them builds an honest foundation for change.
Practice Letting Go: As you observe these thoughts and feelings, ask yourself, “Can I let this go, even if just for a moment?” You don’t have to push the feeling away or resolve it—try letting it be, noticing any sense of relief that arises in allowing it to exist without attachment.

💛 Kindness Opportunity: Practicing Gratitude to Embrace the Present

Hawkins suggests that gratitude is the antidote to grasping. By noticing what’s good about today, we’re less likely to get lost in what’s missing. I’ve found this to be true in my own life.

Here are a few ways you can weave gratitude into your day-to-day:

Start a Gratitude Ritual: Try sharing something you’re grateful for and something you’re looking forward to with someone close to you. It could be a friend, partner, or child. Alternatively, you could journal these yourself. You’ll be surprised at how a little gratitude can shape your approach to the day.
Here’s what I do: Every morning on the drive to school, my kids and I take a moment to share two things: something we’re grateful for from yesterday and something we’re excited about for today. Mornings aren’t always my most energetic time, but this little ritual shifts the mood for all of us by having us reflect on what’s good in the here and now.
Reflect on Past Wishes Fulfilled: Take some time to reflect, then jot down one thing in your life that you once wished for. This could be a relationship, a career opportunity, or an experience. Think about how it feels to live that reality now and how often we forget to acknowledge these fulfilled wishes.
5 Senses Gratitude Exercise: Take a few minutes to notice the things around you. What can you smell, see, feel, taste, or hear that brings you joy? Maybe it’s the warmth of your coffee, the sound of a favorite song, or the comfort of your couch. Let these little moments ground you in the present.

Opportunity: Choose one or all of these practices this week. Try to notice if you feel more grounded, connected, and more at peace with where you are.

There will always be memories of what was and dreams of what could be, and that’s okay. The key is to loosen the grip on our thoughts and allow ourselves to be in the here and now. By cultivating gratitude for what we have now, we start to let go of that sense of “not quite enough” and open up to the richness of the present reality.

Until next time…

Live well and RAK ON,

Dr. Rak 👊🏽

PS: Join us for Mindful Meals: Plant-Based Zimbabwean Cuisine – Free Community Cook-Along!

For the first time, I’m offering this month’s Mindful Meals cook-along as a free community event! Each month, our Mindful Meals explores a new culinary theme, and this November, we’re diving into the vibrant flavors of Zimbabwe. Together, we’ll prepare a delicious three-course plant-based meal featuring smoky Dovi Stew, creamy Sadza, and a twist on classic Malva Pudding.

📅 Date: Sunday, November 24
⏰ Time: 1:30 PM - 3:00 PM PST / 4:30 PM - 6:00 PM EST
🔗 Sign Up Here

You’ll receive a shopping list and prep guide one week before the event, with full recipes a day in advance to help you prepare. Don’t miss this unique opportunity to connect with our community, learn new flavors, and enjoy a mindful, plant-based feast together.